Flying without a broken net

This week was my second post-treatment checkup with my oncologist. I went ready. I had my list of issues in hand and was prepared to talk through all of the options.

We started with my list. My oncologist is a pretty straightforward guy, a reason to like him and not like him at the same time. He read it and then proceeded to test me on all of the symptoms: How much, How often, Who checked the corneal abrasions to determine the Tamoxifen caused them, etc. After we talked for awhile, he said, "Well, you seem to have every possible side effect you can get from Tamoxifen. You know, earlier today, I had a patient here who has been on Tamoxifen for more than four years. She can't see what the fuss is about since she doesn't have a single side effect." Yea, I hate her.

So then we talked about options. He cautioned against removing my ovaries because my fake-menopause symptoms have been so bad, and pushing me into menopause would likely have the same side effects and I would not be able to take any hormones to mitigate them.

His suggestion? Stop taking the Tamoxifen.

That's it!? stop taking it? His reasoning is that the nature of my tumors, my predicted recurrence risk of 12-15%, and the aggressive surgery my surgeon and radiologist had me do should likely prevent a recurrence. Can he promise no recurrence? No. But he will keep monitoring me to catch anything that might pop up as quickly as possible. And, I won't be miserable every day for the next five years (huge plus there).

So, while I am delighted to not be taking these crazy pills every day and I look forward to getting my life back a bit as it leaves my system (this takes a couple of weeks!), I do feel a bit like I'm flying without a net. I know I'm mixing my metaphors here, but I just don't want to get hit by the bus again. Tamoxifen was a seriously broken net, causing me misery and holes in my corneas, but at least I was "doing something" to keep the cancer away. Now, it's just me hoping it won't come back.

Are there things I can do to help? Of course, I can not eat meat or dairy, keep my fat intake low and my weight in check and exercise regularly and eat organically as much as possible. But since I started doing all of these things 20 years ago and got cancer anyway, they don't feel very preventative.