Still Waiting

Tonight I had a good chat with my Complex Care Nurse at Blue Cross. When I was first assigned to her, I thought the whole thing was kind of stupid, but now, when trying to not get too nuts while waiting for yet another biopsy to come back, I'm finding her to be a good resource.

Right now, I'm waiting to find out whether or not I have Lymphoma and whether or not I have Sarcoidosis. One being cancer and the other being an auto-immune disease, the idea of having either and the treatment options for both boggle the mind. This is where Debra is a help.

Over the weekend I left her a message asking for information on both possible diagnosis and the treatment options for both. Tonight, we talked for 45 minutes or so while she gave me details from the research she did. My own research on the web and on the Mayo Clinic and Web MD sites was OK, but she has access to paid web resources that I don't. So she was able to walk me through more detail. Now, she'll mail me the hard copies of what she found so I can be as informed as possible as I deal with the fallout of the diagnosis...whenever it comes.

My family and close friends have been asking how I'm doing during the wait. I tell them the truth. I'm trying to hang in. Work is busy, and there is nothing like working with refugees to keep one's perspective in life. But at the same time, I find it harder and harder as the days go by to pretend everything is going to be fine. I just don't know that anymore. As Debra said, I went through hell already; it is OK if the current mess makes me crack just a bit.

So maybe that Complex Care Nurse thing is not so stupid after all. She earned her pay with that comment alone tonight.

Waiting for that call....