More Waiting

I have amazing friends and family. Everyone has been extremely supportive and understanding as I've tried to accept the new diagnosis. At first, everyone was excited and glad that it did not turn out to be cancer, and some wondered why I wasn't happier about it. After I explained what Sarcoidosis is, they understood. This is better than having to have chemo, but it is a lifelong disease now; incurable and unpredictable. It's not something I'm going to jump up and down about.

Folks have also been wanting me to share what I know and when I'll be seen for this. Well, I still know very little. Everything I've read about Sarcoidosis emphasizes its variability. For some, it can be debilitating, for others, it can go into remission for years with no symptoms at all.

At the moment, I seem to be somewhere in the middle. I'm becoming more and more aware of the lung issue as I find myself short of breath easily and more tired than I'd like. The most frustrating thing right now is that exercise is getting more difficult each week. And those who know me are well aware of the high value I place on my treadmill!

As for treatment, I have an appointment with the rumetologist that my oncologist recommended, but not until October 30. Apparently new patient appointments are few and far between. Until then? I'll keep studying and exploring some alternative therapy options. I've already gotten a referral to a holistic doctor that does a lot with supplements and will try to get this going as soon as I can.

I'm also trying to deal with the emotional and spiritual impact this diagnosis is having on me. Last Friday I indulged in a whole day of angry. I was angry about having cancer, about not being able to tolerate the treatment so now I'm in a wait and see mode for that, about having to be cut open again, about the new diagnosis, about not knowing what to do about it, and about having to realize I'm not as healthy as I thought, and I may never get to be again. I was irrational and teary and short with everyone and had no patience for anyone or anything; all the things I dislike about anger. It was a lovely day. But then, the next day came and there were children and a husband to love and care for and refugees to see and a hair appointment to keep and a street fair to enjoy. Saturday was much better.

So maybe, I'm not just waiting, but I am daily doing what I have to do to adjust to the new normal and attempting, with more or less success, to learn to deal with it.

Hey, didn't I have a new normal last year? How often does normal get to readjust? I think I'm ready for a normal to stick around for awhile. The adjustments are no fun at all.