Doctors Retire?

Today was my 6-month checkup and I was in the worst possible place before went. My daughter has been sick with a lung infection for almost 2 weeks and the doctor is pulling straws to try to resolve it. For me this has meant a lot of worry, juggling work and a sick child and a healthy child (the little one) and very little sleep.

But even more than this, another mom from my oldest daughter's Las Madres playgroup passed away because of cancer last Sunday. This is the second mom we've buried, and two others of us are in cancer remission. This seems so wrong. At it's height the group was somewhere between 30 and 40 moms, that means at least 10% of the group has gotten cancer. There is no rhyme or reason for cancer in young women today, but it feels like it is getting worse, and it scares me every time I have to go in for that check-up.

I always dread the check-up; then I see my doctor. He talks through any of my fears or worries, he asks me tons of questions about how I'm doing with the Sarcoid, and then he tells me that he is my least important doctor right now. He is more concerned about the Sarcoid than the cancer. So then I breathe and am reassured that I'm still ok.

But today, after he said all of that, he also told me that he is retiring. He's decided that it's time to stop. Technically he retired a few months ago, but hasn't been able to give up his patients yet. He said that is the hardest part, he cares about all of us and doesn't want to stop being there for us.

Now, my oncologist has a reputation. He is well-known as both the guru of cancer and as the most curmudgeonly doctor in the area. Those who did not choose him as their oncologist focus on that aspect of his personality. Those of us who do choose him tend to also because of that aspect of his personality. He tells the truth with no clinical mumbo-jumbo and with no dressing. If he is concerned, he says so, if there is nothing to worry about, he says so. As we talked he asked me what people say about him and I told him the truth, which he knew already. I also told him I'm nervous to have a new doctor, but trust him to choose the right people to take his practice. I also told him to ride his motorcycle more, but safely.

In a way I feel like the child who thought teachers lived at school. It never occured to me that someone I depend on so much would retire. I wish him well, but worry that my next check-up won't be quite as reassuring at the end.